SECRETS AND LIES................

SECRETS AND LIES

     Keeping secrets from your partner is a deliberate intent to keep information hidden. This choice is usually because we fear the impact on yourself or other informations we may have. What often underlies secrecy is a fear of judgement and reprisals. A lie is a deliberate act of deceiving another person by hiding the truth or trying to manufacture an untruth. Secrets and Lies jeopardizes trust in our relationships and can cause irreparable damages in the following ways;

Ø  Trust and Vulnerability will be blocked.

Ø  Need to constantly cover up and watch your back leads to tension.

Ø  Easier to blame a partner than recognize your choice in maintaining secrecy.

Ø  It jeopardizes sexual intimacy.

     Being honest in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to share every single detail all the time. Knowing what to share and what not to share is an important communication skill in a relationship. Now, let’s talk about those Secrets that hurts in a relationship, which are;

1.       UNHAPPINESS: Keeping feelings as a secrets for so long is hoping that the problems will eventually sort themselves out, or the fear things could get a lot worse if true feelings were disclosed. Sometimes, it is hard to be honest and admit we are unhappy.

2.       Finding intimacy outside your relationship: Disconnection between partners is often around for a long time before an affair happens. If you’ve stopped having sex for a long time and there’s lack of affection and intimacy, it needs to be understood and talked about often. It feels that it’s easier to turn to someone else and get emotional and sexual fulfilment than manage the honesty and vulnerability that is needed in your partner.

3.       Financial decisions: Keeping secrets about how you spend money or make financial decisions without sharing with your partner is a major violation of trust and can have a devastating consequences.

4.       Past Relationships: Partners often find it hard to share or hear experiences they had with previous partners to fear of exposing aspects of themselves that their partners may not feel very attracted to. However, part of growing closer together is knowing and understanding each other different experiences and how you were affected by them both negatively and positively.

5.       Dishonesty: Making a decisions together is an integral part of a relationship. However, feeling that you have to agree all the time for a quiet life is not being honest with yourself or your partner. This leads to unresolved feelings and resentments. Working through disagreements and differences is essential for a closer emotional connection.

     Knowing you are been lied to is often worse than being hurt by the truth. I always say this ‘’if you tell me the truth, I’m going to get mad but I will get over it. But if you lie to me, I’m never going to be able to trust you again’’………the Choice is yours.