MATCHMAKING..........Making the most important decision of your life

       Relationship is association between two individuals of opposite sex based on love, liking or social commitment. Friendship implies a common ground between individuals and consists of mutual liking, mutual understanding, mutual compassion, trust, respect, and unconditional acceptance. However, the distinction between friendship and relationship is blurred when two individuals of opposite sex are found together frequently. It is difficult to believe that two individuals of opposite sex meet each other frequently but they are not seeing each other. Boyfriend means a woman’s regular companion with whom she has romantic and/or sexual relationship. Girlfriend means a man’s regular companion with whom he has romantic and/or sexual relationship. The boyfriend-girlfriend relationship is closer than friendship.

       Now let's talk about this....MATCHMAKING; Matchmaking is any process of introducing two people to each other for the purpose of marriage. In cultures where arranged marriages are the rule, the astrologer often claimed that the stars sanctified matches that both parents approved of, making it quite difficult for the possibly-hesitant children to easily object. Clergy probably played a key role in most Western cultures, as they continue to do in modern ones, especially where they are the most trusted mediators in the society. Both astrologers and clergy are traditional professional matchmakers. Traditional non-professional matchmakers include family members, friends, co-workers, neighbours, etc. The best matchmaker is a matchmaker who knows both people very well and who is brutally honest about it. Modern matchmaking services include online dating service, online matchmaking service, online matrimonial sites, marriage bureau, etc. Which can actually find people who are compatible. Internet matrimony sites have millions of member and therefore, the number of prospects that you found interesting and who could be a good match for you is large, much larger than the potential people you can contact through your friend, social and relative circle. Traditional matchmaking usually bypasses dating while modern matchmaking usually includes dating. We all know some couples who seem so mismatched that we wonder how they ever got together, yet who have learned to enjoy each other and live together happily. Still others, by contrast, appear to be the perfect pair until we hear they’re splitting up or getting a divorce. Matchmaking protocol must have high degree of sensitivity & specificity in arranging a suitable match to prevent false positive & false negative match. False positive match means the couple apparently looks made for each other but will break soon. False negative match means the couple apparently looks a mismatch but the relationship will be long lasting. However, many people prefer to go to dances & socials rather than matchmaking services. These events present an immediate opportunity to meet several different potential partners and to determine for yourself if any of them are likely matches. The matchmaking circle is an exclusive social club for women focusing on friendship, fun & the joys of being single while searching for a special man by empowering women by increasing their dating odds. Luck is a sign of imperfection in life and therefore at the end of a day, everybody needs good luck to find a suitable life partner.

 

WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT DECISION OF YOUR LIFE? 

     Not choosing your career? Not making money. Not solving the menace of terrorism. Not saving the world from economic recession. Not solving energy/water crisis. The most important decision of your life is to find a suitable life partner. A strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best supports in your life. Good relationships improve your life in all aspects, strengthening your health, your mind and your connections with others as well.

     The hardest thing for many people nowadays seems to find their best life partner. I can solve mysteries of universe but I cannot find a suitable life partner for me. Both men and women use physical attractiveness as a measure of how ‘good’ another person is. How long will relationship last if it is based merely on looks?  There is no such thing as the perfect person because we all have flaws but the hallmark of matchmaking game is matching complementary flaws. The word ‘flaw’ is used in matchmaking context and not otherwise. For example, if I am a very angry personality and I marry a very cool woman, then, even though too much anger and too much coolness are flaws, it matches well and the relationship will be successful. Another example, if I am a very greedy person and I marry a philanthropist woman, then, even though too much greediness and too much generosity are flaws, it matches well and the relationship will be successful. However, some flaws can be deadly to a long-term happy relationship and must be avoided. For example; sexual promiscuity, alcoholism, domestic violence, etc must be avoided.

    Marriage is a wonderful thing and every person wants to find a suitable life partner for themselves as it is a very serious lifetime decision for both partners. Marriage is not only about two personalities, but it is about two families and in some cases cultures joining together as one. Marriages are said to be made in heaven; but once a boy or girl reaches the marriageable age, the parents or the children themselves look for someone with whom they can share their life. Marriage is a long journey where a couple faces many ups and downs and grows together. To lead a happy and satisfied married life, there are many ways to find a suitable life-partner right from traditional method of getting help from family/ relatives/ friends, placing advertisement in newspaper, enrolling at marriage bureau, register on internet matrimonial sites, online dating, online matchmaking, socializing with college friends etc. Remember, it is the matter of whole life and a wrong decision can ruin the entire life of many people. Physical features like appearance and attractive figures may be a factor for sudden attraction but in long run that is not important. Choose a suitable life partner who is not only beautiful on the outside but also within, one who will stick by your side for the rest of your life and be able to have a better understanding of you. Choose a life partner who is able to look into your eyes and can honestly say that you’re the right choice for him or her. Choose a partner who looks at you with affection and kindness in his/her eyes. Choose an optimistic person because optimism is the facilitator of all the emotional intelligence competencies and optimists live longer, enjoy better health, heal more quickly, and accomplish more. Usually choosing a life partner is a matter of subjectivity rather than objectivity and there is a similarity of subjectivity among individuals brought up in the same culture. Every person is a combination of virtues and vices in various proportions, but how much you understand about the real nature of your partner is more important. Ask yourself if you can respect this person for his/her religious beliefs, his/her life goals, and the values that he/she spends time on. If the answer is no then move on. First step in matchmaking is to define your life partner. You need to know what kind of partner you want to share your life with and what kind of life you want the two of you to share. You need to make positive efforts to find suitable partner rather than looking out for your prospective partner when you are in social situations. Most women do more research to find a good gardener or builder than a life partner. However, there is no way to understand that your partner will be a suitable spouse. No matter how hard you try to understand what it would be like to be married to someone, it’s not the same as actually being married to that person. So the best thing is to get into as many real-life situations with your partner as possible, and see how the two of you get along in whether good situations or bad. The more you see and interact with a person, the more likely he/she is to become your intimate partner. The old way of dating and mating simply doesn’t work anymore and therefore most singles are using trial and error method in search for love. It is typical in our society to feel a conflict between what we want to do (our heart) and what we feel is practical (our mind).  Remember the golden rule, in event of clash between your heart and your mind, be true to yourself and do what your mind says. If you can’t be happy with the person the way he/she is now, don’t get married. Don’t expect him/her to change for you. People do change, but there is no guarantee and therefore decide if you can accept your prospective partner’s idiosyncrasies. Remember, first impression is not the correct impression and not the last impression. Love at the first sight is not enough to sustain life long relationship. Also remember, a one sided relationship is not a relationship at all, it’s a speculation and therefore do not waste time in coercing a reluctant partner because even though coercion may work, the marriage will ultimately breakdown. The most important issue before any type of marriage is that a key fact is left out during the process of the marriage, only to be learned afterwards. An example might be if one of the spouses has a medical condition that is not disclosed before marriage. Although the marriage may not have occurred had that condition been disclosed prior to marriage, it is very difficult to leave afterwards and there may be no legal recourse.

WHAT QUALITIES WILL YOU LOOK FOR IN YOUR PROSPECTIVE PARTNER FOR LONG-LASTING RELATIONSHIP AND SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE?

1)  Compatibility:

       Compatibility deals with the ease in which two people make adjustments towards each other. More often than not, couples who are compatible get to adjust to one another and this compatibility issue helps the couple to get along with each other really well.

2) Commitment:

        If you lose commitment to the relationship or one another, then, this could be a big relationship problem. Losing commitment to one another is like losing the trust, and love that you have given to one another. Intentionality is an EQ competency that means saying what you mean and meaning what you say. It also means being accountable for the motives behind your actions.

3) Personality:

        Of course, looks matter but personality is much more than looks. Understanding your own personality type and the personality type of the other person involved in the relationship will bring a new dynamic to the situation, which will allow better understanding and communication. “Opposites attract” (complementarity) has been batted around for centuries and in fact, it’s very true when it comes to love relationships. We naturally are drawn towards individuals who have strengths which we are missing. When two opposites function as a couple, they become a better-rounded, functioning unit. Introvert attracted towards extrovert. Angry man attracted towards a cool woman. Complementary partners preferred closer interpersonal relationship than non-complementary ones. Couples who reported the highest level of loving and harmonious relationship were more dissimilar in dominance than couples who scored lower in relationship quality. On the other hand, people frequently settle down with individuals who are on their same wave-length (similar preferences). Principles of similarity and complementarity seem to be contradictory on the surface but in fact, they agree on the dimension of warmth. Similarity seems to carry considerable weight in initial attraction, while complementarity assumes importance as the relationship develops over time.

4)  Money:

      Money problems can start very early in a relationship. It can start with simple things such as paying for a date, to the wedding costs, to paying for the luxurious life style of a rich spouse.  Most couples experience some tension over money. In fact, money is the single leading cause of fights among engaged people and couples in their marriage. So money matters.

5)  Mutual respect:

     Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands; and would never challenge; the other person’s boundaries. The relationship will be successful if there is mutual respect and they appreciate their differences.

      We can see that matchmaking is not easy and you have to consider all above points because a bad decision can ruin your life. A broken relationship is better than a broken Marriage.

Thank you so much for your time reading through. Hope you’ve learnt few things from this.

I would love to get feedback from you by sending your comments or messages to my mail

melvinsheyifunmi@gmail.com. God bless you