DEEPER INTO DREAMS

We all have one disease we dread the most. Some hate cancer, others can't stand the pain and aches of malaria, more dread the picture while a good number of people cry over the pimple on their face. As for me, I hate the sneaky cold; one second, it's the sneezes, though I refuse to be bothered, and next minute, my head aches, then the constant coughing which has me holding it with both hands so much so  it doesn't crack open. Meanwhile, my nose itches and runs like a little girl on a sugar high... horrible!

So, here I am alone and miserable, fighting for my nose and waiting for my friend to bring the drugs that I may consume them like a hungry lion waiting for a prey or wait… like a groom waiting for his beautiful bride. All of a sudden, my rebellious mind takes a stroll on the path of things I try as much as possible not to think about. He suddenly asked me "what would you give your bride?" I was shocked "Wow!, How did we get here?" I asked. He said to me "Guy, stop stalking and answer the question my friend". He wasn't letting me Seeget away this time, so I willingly followed him down the 3rd path.

Just like one particular day, I was in the living room watching TV when my strict mama asked me "Alfred, when are you bringing your fiancée home?". Her voice was calm, as if I was having a night conversation with my fiancée. I thought I misheard her, I had to mute the TV and told her to ask me again. I almost entered the chair I sat on when she did. My friends has been asking me similar question, "guy, when you wan marry?" Meaning "guy, when do you want to get married?"

So I told her what I told my friends "she's almost here". I left out all the deeper things like, " how scared I was". I had so many questions in my head, "who am I planning to bring home to my parent?". "What if I don't fit the right mold to help her grow tall, strong and known, like it says?". "What if I'm not what she needs?". Sometimes, we think about these things without coming to a conclusion what the answers would be.

Sometimes, I lay in my bed and structure what my home would look like... God in the Center, my wife, loving her more than life and loving me next to that, both of us leading the children... but then, FEAR appears. I have seen so many marriages crumble, even those with deep love,  making me wonder why this one would hold, it appears love alone doesn’t sustain a successful marriage. What if I break her?..."you have broken so many ladies’, this one shouldn't be a new one", my rebellious mind told me. Who knows, she might make me, we may breakthrough, we might fall... hmmm. Yet, the music in my soul longs for expression, harmony and recognition, the same things that fears my soul. I wonder if I will ever get over the things I've seen. If I will be better or I will repeat the mistake I have watched... recycling the past into the present.

Sometimes, I look deep inside of me and see many gifts and desires and I wonder what I am supposed to do. I wonder, "where do I start from?", "What do I stand on to carry others?". I want to touch lives, act, inspire and serve. I want to paint smiles on tiny faces. Hold and caress, giving all the love I possess, but the old fear comes crawling back. It makes me doubt what I see. It makes me question what I desire, wondering if it will ever come true.

Life has a way of giving us what we never planned for. We all go DEEPER INTO DREAMS, hoping our dreams come true... someday. Then my conclusion came... I will trust the drugs, I will trust the principles of the book, I will wait, constantly replacing all my fears with faith. I will allow the Ampiclox to do its thing, killing the organisms making me miserable, while the expectorant bathes away my throat. Washing away the tiny little suckers and soothing my body. It will rest on the Paracetamol that blocks the excruciating pain, keeping it at Bay.

I will press forward, resting in the ARMS that has held me this far. I will set my mind free from the struggles and pain. I will let HIM guide me through.

I will wait.

I will replace my FEARS with... FAITH

Yes! I will dream big and wide, even DEEP DREAMS because I know who holds the morrow and my FAITH can take me there.

Thank you so much for reading this Piece. Hope you enjoyed every bit of it.

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