WHAT NEXT AFTER BREAK-UP?


BREAK-UP
       Happy New Month to you all.
     A lot of us tend to shy away from this issue. Whether you’re the one who was left heartbroken or the one who ended the relationship, breaking up is hard to do. Immediately post breakup you may feel angry or lonely, but try to stay positive. There are somethings you should avoid when you become a victim of this and we shall talk about some of them;

                1). DON’T BEG FOR ANOTHER CHANCE.
        Of course, you miss your ex and may still be in shock about the breakup, but getting over a breakup means not pleading for a do-over. If you feel compelled to do so, examine your motivation.
 
                2). DON’T CALL OR TEXT.
        Aim to go at least 30 days without contacting your ex if you want to start getting over a breakup. Thirty days will become 40, then 50…and by then, chances are you’ll be feeling much better and have some additional clarity.

               3). DON’T BE AFRAID TO CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE
       Mentally create a new ending, by imagining it was you who rejected him or her instead. This will change the dynamic and make you feel more empowered and less like a victim.

     4). DON’T DATE OR MARRY THE NEXT PERSON YOU MEET
        With revenge still on the mind, and in the heart, it’s very easy to want to replace the missing limb, but resist, advises a New York-based relationship and etiquette expert. After a painful breakup, being single for a while is the best way to ensure that your next relationship is not impulsive, haphazard, and doomed for a repeat breakup. Take some time to process what happened and where things didn’t go as you had hoped and what you want to do differently next time.

         5). DON’T OVERDO IT ON PARTYING
       Sure, it’s tempting to drown your sorrows to get over a breakup, but that’s a mistake. “Some people are looking for validation that they’re still attractive or sexy. But right after a breakup, if you start drinking, flirting, or partying, well, all those things are distractions from the grieving process. If we don’t take time to grieve and don’t work on ourselves, we are doomed in our next relationship.
   
     6). DON’T AVOID THE PAIN
        To get over a breakup, you may try to avoid your hurt and pain because it’s just too devastating. But you can’t recover from the relationship when you avoid it. The only way to get to the other side, is to go through the pain, instead of around it.
 
   7). DON’T KISS AND TELL
       When it comes to bad-mouthing your ex, zip it. That’s not the right move for getting over a breakup. Trash talk reflects more on you than it does on your ex. It’s not polite, attractive, or productive. It drags you down into the mud when what you need is to rise above. Even though you’re hurting, try to be the bigger person by staying silent about your ex. The exception to the rule? You can, of course, confide in your close friends and family.

             8). DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP
        Don’t be too hard on yourself when you’re getting over a breakup, advises Guy Winch, PhD, a contributor. “Remember that your ego and self-esteem are already hurting—don’t make it worse. Be as compassionate toward yourself as you would be to a friend whose heart had just been broken,” he says. If you are struggling to move on, or wish for some outside clarity from someone who doesn’t know your ex, consider talking with a therapist.

      9). DON’T STAY HOME
            It’s so easy to wallow in self-pity and check your phone every 30 seconds hoping your ex will text, begging to start fresh. However, many experts believe keeping yourself busy is a great way to get over a breakup. Find at least two, and up to five, things that you can do every single day for yourself that make you feel great, and that help you fill your time. Keeping busy, even if it is a bit cliché, does help, and soon enough you’ll have so many new things going on that you truly love and are passionate about, you won’t even have time to think about your ex. 

          10). DON'T LOOSE WHO YOU ARE AS AN INDIVIDUAL
            Embrace your “me” time, and cultivate your interests as an individual, as you gradually move on from the relationship. After you regroup from the loss, have fun in your singleness and learn to establish yourself without the relationship. Take a class to enhance yourself as a person.

    11). DON'T SEEK REVENGE
      If you were the one who was dumped, chances are you’re hurting and want your ex to feel the same levels of emotional heartbreak you do. However, this doesn’t mean you seek revenge on your former flame to get over a breakup. There are lines you just don’t cross when a relationship ends; don’t spread rumors, burn his favourite shirt he left at your house, or trash talk on his social media accounts. It’s never a mistake to take the high road.

          12). DON’T RECONNECT WITH OTHER EXES
      It’s really tempting to call another EX once a relationship ends. You once had a romantic connection with that person, he or she is familiar to you, and you’re craving an emotional and physical connection as you try to move on. Plus, in the back of your mind, it’s a type of revenge against the one who recently cracked your heart. However, when it comes to an ex re-connection, don’t do it. They’re called “exes” for a reason, you two weren’t meant to be.

         13). DON’T STALK HIM OR HER ON SOCIAL MEDIA.
     Un-follow your ex from all forms of social media, and perhaps some of his or her family members and friends as well. Unfriending, or at least hiding, your ex online can help you avoid the constant temptation to check in and see if your ex is living a life more miserable or more awesome than yours.

            14). DON’T KEEP REMINDERS AROUND
      Delete social media pictures of your happier days, stash away photos you have around the house and donate that giant teddy bear he won for you at the carnival. Don’t stop there. Take the opportunity to get your whole house organized. You may also want to stay away from mutual places you visited for a few weeks, so fond memories aren’t triggered. It’s time to start afresh, and that may include changing up your whole daily routine, at least initially. This gives you time to set new routines and adapt to being single.

Thank you for your time reading this. I hope you have been able to learn from this. Let the remaining part of this year be pleasant to us all

God bless you. 

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